I am in another world and have been here since the verdict for the George Zimmerman case was reached.  I cannot focus on anything.  I am everywhere.  My mind thinks about everything from the fear of starting a family to death.  There are points in life where you stand still, look around you and see how fucked up this world is.  During these past days, I cannot tell you how many times I have stared into space and just SMH!.

Yesterday night while my sister and I drove to the ATM we were talking about some deaths that occurred in Miami.  And out loud I said, “Nah, I’m not going to do that.” I really had a conversation with myself about purchasing a firearm and within seconds made a decision.  I had to think about what I wanted to do and make sense of such a decision.  After blurting, “Nah, I’m not going to do that.” I told my sister about the internal struggle I was having and how within seconds I talked myself out of buying a gun and being strapped while in the streets.  I may still purchase one for my home but I don’t want to walk around strapped because I am in fear.  The fact that I thought about purchasing a firearm begs the question, WHY?  Why do you want a firearm? And the only answer I could think about is because I am scared.  And that saddened me – it breaks my heart.

Fear is a debilitating thing. It strips you of all power – leaves you helpless. I need a better reason than that, because fear is what drew George Zimmerman’s attention to a young teenager wearing a hoodie in the rain.  And fear is what caused George Zimmerman to walk out of his car strapped with a gun on his hip to chase a black teenager wearing a hoodie.  And fear is what caused George Zimmerman to shoot and kill a teenage boy on an early evening day in Sanford, FL.  I can’t live in fear — no good resides with fear.  Fear prejudges and fear is impetuous.

I don’t want to live a life of fear – I cannot live in fear.

I don’t want to buy into the media about how violence is so out of hand. And I know that it’s bad but I also know that these sources exaggerate and sell fear to the masses.  I also know that a ton of this violence (at least 95%) is targeted.  I listen to these news sources with caution so I eat the meat and throw out the bones.

On Friday night, my family hit the floor after rounds of shots rang two houses down.  When the dust settled we went outside and found out that some people did a drive boy outside a house where a group of boys hang and I know that this happened because of some type of hostility.  Whether it is over a girl or over dope, I don’t know but there is some type of history there.

I know I am not the only person feeling this way.  I know I am not the only person who lives in a city, town, neighborhood, NATION where hate and fear is sold more than love and freedom. The bible speaks about fear and some verses that really comfort me during these stormy times are listed below. I hope you too find comfort during these times.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7 NLT

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 1 John 4:18

This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9 NLT

He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you. Psalm 91:4-8 NLT

I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4

The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1


4 thoughts on “Distracted

  1. I have been trying to not think about the verdict because I felt myself getting angry. I own a firearm but I don’t walk the streets strapped with it I guess it’s just an extra comfort at home and when traveling long distances. 2 Timothy 1:7 is one of my go to verses when I get a feeling of fear. Anyway good post thanks for sharing.

    1. I feel like I’m grieving. It’s so weird but this case feels so personal. To know that this case will go in history books blows my mind. Trayvon is the Emmitt Till of our generation.

      I hope that we get closure an peace from this situation.

      Thanks for commenting.

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